Step Parenting: Not Feeling Appreciated By The Step Children (2)

Last time, we spoke about Kevin’s experience as a step dad to Sandra’s children and how he felt he was not appreciated or recognised for what he was doing in the house.

Sandra was left with the responsibility of having to assure Kevin that though the children may not show it or say it, they really do love Kevin and appreciate his presence in the house as a father figure.

One significant thing that Sandra also mentioned was the fact that even though she is their mother, she never really gets a thank you from the children either, but she knows they are grateful in their own special way.

Now is the time to give Kevin some advice.

What can Kevin do?

Kevin should be a little bit more understanding and supportive towards Sandra.

The kids are always happy to see their dad because he is not around all the time. They love their dad – it’s as simple as that.

Kevin should try to put himself in Sandra’s place – Sandra cannot keep her children from seeing their dad and at the same time cannot plant evil seeds in their hearts in order for them not to like their dad.

He should also try to look at it from Sandra’s ex’s perspective as well. How would Kevin feel if he had children from a previous relationship and they didn’t want to see him? Would he not feel as if his ex had planted negative seeds in their heart to prevent them from seeing him?

Sandra wants her children to find out for themselves what their dad is like. She believes when they grow older they will see him for what he really is. He cannot continue turning up once in every blue moon and think showering gifts on the children will make all the difference. There is more to being a dad than that.

What Kevin provides for the children by being involved in their life is stability. They have a step dad who is there for them all the time. They may not call him dad – but they most certainly do treat him as one! Sometimes not showing appreciation to parents comes with the territory.

It would make a huge difference in their lives if Kevin was not there – it’s just that Kevin does not realise that at the moment.

Kevin can talk to other people who are step parents to find out their experiences and also see what they have to say about his situation.

He entered the relationship primarily because he loves Sandra and knew that she would have to take care of the children and see to their needs. Kevin voluntarily got involved in the children’s lives because he loves Sandra and would do anything to make her happy.

He should not allow the children’s reaction to their dad affect him and as mentioned before, sometimes children may not show their appreciation outwardly, but it does not mean they are not grateful.

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