One of the wonderful things about marriage is the comfort of having a partner you trust. Someone you believe has your best interests at heart. You married believing their words are truth. How damaging to find out that they lied. You’re not even sure you want to try rebuilding trust after an affair has ruined your relationship.
What parts of your marriage were actually real? How much of your spouse’s lying overshadowed your intimacy? You have so many questions. If only you had your affair-free marriage back. You didn’t have doubts about everything that comes out of your spouse’s mouth then, and didn’t have to worry about rebuilding trust after an affair.
If staying together is the plan, couples need guidance while rebuilding trust after an affair.
Here are some suggestions:
For the Faithful Spouse:
* Recognize your pain for what it is, don’t push it away or bury it.
* Communicate your feelings in a non-violent manner with your spouse.
* Ask questions if you desire to know the details, but be prepared for the extra pain.
* Tell your spouse honestly how you feel.
* Make time for yourself such as taking a walk or spending time with a friend.
These will be difficult times for you. Your emotions will be random, your health will suffer and you will want to crawl in a hole and die. But it will get better. Rebuilding trust after an affair will make you a stronger person, as well as give your marriage a firmer foundation to rest on.
For the Unfaithful Spouse:
* Stop the affair immediately.
* Reassure your spouse that you are sincerely sorry.
* Periodically call your spouse daily to let them know where you’re going to be, etc…
* Try hard to feel empathy for your spouse.
* Allow your spouse to let out their hurt and anger as long as it’s in a non-violent way.
* Answer all the questions your spouse has about your affair.
Rebuilding trust after an affair is a continual growth process involving new ways of communicating. It requires a commitment to a closer relationship and a plan to rebuild that trust over time by your actions. These steps lay the foundation for a more intimate marriage than before.
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