We all want to become the best parent we can be. Perhaps what we are doing isn’t working. Who couldn’t use some parenting tips especially when it comes to discipline? There are four basic styles.
There is authoritarian parenting which is the style quite a few in my generation grew up knowing all too well. This type of parenting can be violent or non-violent. The violent form of this style consists of hitting, threatening, criticizing and other forms of verbal abuse. This leaves the child with anger management issues and low self esteem.
The non-violent style of authoritarian parenting consists of punishments and rewards. This can also include isolation, loss of privileges, and holding back love or affection. This will result in a child who will not talk with you and look for affection elsewhere. The child does not feel your love is unconditional.
Another style is permissive parenting. This would include nagging, begging, pleading and trying to reason with your child. This results in an inconsistent environment where your children just learn how to be manipulative.
Democratic Parenting is a style that when used properly will get to the root of why the child is misbehaving and addressing the child’s real needs. This is where the parent really needs to learn to be patient and not fall back on old habits or repeat the mistakes of their parents. This requires a pause, calm response and problem solving skills. For example, perhaps you are busy working with another child on homework and your little one starts having a tantrum. In lieu of getting upset immediately and yelling for the toddler to stop, pause, and ask the toddler why they are upset and what can mommy do to make you feel better. You may be surprised to find out the little one was “thirsty” and just needed a glass of water. Problem solved with much less drama. There was a physical need to be met.
While punishments and rewards may work short term the democratic parenting style is designed to bring the family unit closer for the long haul. Your child will feel connected and start to show self discipline. This is a bit of work at first for the parents. You may have to bite your tongue at times which is the importance of stop and pause. Patience is the key to success.
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